Okay, the title is a bit misleading. I do vacuum at least a small portion of the floors pretty much every day. I’m a bit obsessed with my cordless vacuum! But, I’ve only fully vacuumed the house and/or mopped my floors a couple of times since my one-year-old son was born. Yet it gets fully vacuumed and mopped weekly..
How?
By asking for help.
When my son was only a couple of months old, my husband asked me if I wanted to hire someone to come once or twice a week to help me with Trace and around the house. He promptly followed up with “Not because you’re not doing a good job, I just wondered if you wanted some help”.
My son has pretty much fought sleep his entire life. Most naps he’s taken have either been in my arms or in his bouncer. The electronic swings don’t do it for him, he wants me to bounce him manually in his BabyBjorn Bouncer. (This thing has been worth every penny!)
But, that basically means that I don’t get much of a break to get other things done around the house while he sleeps.
We also travel quite a bit. Mine and my husband’s families both live several hours away, plus my husband loves to travel. So, either Trace and I or all three of us end up going out of town 1 to 3 times a month. Traveling not only pulls us away from getting things done at home on a consistent basis, but it also adds to the to-do list.
So, we hired a family friend, someone I fully trusted, to help us out once a week.
Man has it been a GAME CHANGER.
It quickly became a twice a week thing, and this week is the first week of having her come three times.
I know hiring someone to help is not in everyone’s budget. But, I would encourage you to ask for and accept help when possible. It may look like you watching a friend’s kid(s) one day and them watching yours another day so each mom gets one free day to do the things that are hard to get done with kids around. Even if one of those things is resting.
Rest is important.
One thing my husband has taught me, and I’ve heard multiple people talk about as well, is that there are some things that only you can do. But, there are also plenty of things that can be done by anyone. (Like dishes and laundry.)
As moms, we feel the pressure to do it all. Love your husband, spend time with your kids, spend time with God, keep your house clean all the time, be there for your friends, volunteer at church and at your kid’s school, read books, keep up with family and make all the birthday parties, eat right, drink enough water, work out 3 times a week, declutter and organize, rest, cook, sleep, work, pay the bills, always have enough clothes and shoes that fit your constantly growing kids, keep up with laundry, run the dishwasher every night and unload it every morning, do all the things.
It’s a lot.
And there are a lot of important things. But, not everything has to be done, and it also doesn’t all need to be done by you.
I have one healthy kid. I work mainly from home part-time, and I still have someone come to the house 2-3 times a week to help me out. I honestly don’t know how moms who have multiple kids get it all done.
But, I am finding as I build more and more relationships with other moms, that almost all of us don’t actually get it all done, and we all wonder how everyone else does it all. But then again, no one actually is doing it all. It’s just a vicious mind cycle of us thinking “How does she do it and stay happy and fit? I should do better. I can do better.” So, we try our hardest to seem like we have it all together and we’re doing all the things at least in front of people. And we’re just perpetuating the vicious cycle of more and more women thinking they don’t measure up.
Meanwhile, the real purpose of our lives is not to have it all together and do all the things and have everyone see it and admire.
The real purpose is to, according to Ecclesiastes, “Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” – Ecclesiastes 12:13. And Jesus said the greatest commandment is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” – Matthew 22:37 …”And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself” – Matthew 22:39.
We can do those things well without doing everything ourselves.
By having someone help me with laundry, cleaning (vacuuming and mopping my floors), and watching Trace, it frees me up to do the things that only I can do. Like spend time with YAHWEH, work on my blog (No one writes these things for me), spend time with my husband, and enjoy time with my son.
I’ve noticed that when I have help around the house, and when I’m not spending 24 hours a day with my son, I actually enjoy my time with him so much more. I have more time and mental/emotional capacity to actually play and intentionally interact with him. I can relax while I’m with him and Micheal. I’m not so distracted by or worried about getting all the less important things done.
So, for me, hiring someone to help do the things that anyone can do so that I can focus on the things that only I can do, has been such a good decision. And, it’s been such a blessing from my husband to offer the idea and make room in our budget for it.
Maybe your mom or mother-in-law live close, or your husband is home more and offers to help. It can be hard for us to accept help when it’s offered because we think we can and should do it all.
But, as I mentioned before, that’s not our purpose in life.
When Micheal first offered the idea for me to get help, it hurt my pride a little. And, I still have moments where I feel almost ashamed that I “need help” so much while only having one kid and not even working full time or outside of the house much.
But, I’m so glad I do have help. I’m a better wife and mother for it. I don’t want my pride and overwhelm to steal any more precious moments with family. And, I enjoy the bigger mental and emotional capacity that I have after having help.
I encourage you to ask for and accept help in the ways that make the most sense in your situation or family dynamic. What we have the opportunity to gain is worth letting go of our pride.
