Okay, the title is a bit misleading. I do vacuum at least a small portion of the floors pretty much every day. I’m a bit obsessed with my cordless vacuum! But, I’ve only fully vacuumed the house and/or mopped my floors a couple of times since my one-year-old son was born. Yet it gets fully vacuumed and mopped weekly..

How?

By asking for help.

When my son was only a couple of months old, my husband asked me if I wanted to hire someone to come once or twice a week to help me with Trace and around the house. He promptly followed up with “Not because you’re not doing a good job, I just wondered if you wanted some help”.

My son has pretty much fought sleep his entire life. Most naps he’s taken have either been in my arms or in his bouncer. The electronic swings don’t do it for him, he wants me to bounce him manually in his BabyBjorn Bouncer. _{(This thing has been worth every penny!)}

But, that basically means that I don’t get much of a break to get other things done around the house while he sleeps.

We also travel quite a bit. Mine and my husband’s families both live several hours away, plus my husband loves to travel. So, either Trace and I or all three of us end up going out of town 1 to 3 times a month. Traveling not only pulls us away from getting things done at home on a consistent basis, but it also adds to the to-do list.

So, we hired a family friend, someone I fully trusted, to help us out once a week.

Man has it been a GAME CHANGER.

It quickly became a twice a week thing, and this week is the first week of having her come three times.

I know hiring someone to help is not in everyone’s budget. But, I would encourage you to ask for and accept help when possible. It may look like you watching a friend’s kid(s) one day and them watching yours another day so each mom gets one free day to do the things that are hard to get done with kids around. Even if one of those things is resting.

Rest is important.

One thing my husband has taught me, and I’ve heard multiple people talk about as well, is that there are some things that only you can do. But, there are also plenty of things that can be done by anyone. (Like dishes and laundry.)

As moms, we feel the pressure to do it all. Love your husband, spend time with your kids, spend time with God, keep your house clean all the time, be there for your friends, volunteer at church and at your kid’s school, read books, keep up with family and make all the birthday parties, eat right, drink enough water, work out 3 times a week, declutter and organize, rest, cook, sleep, work, pay the bills, always have enough clothes and shoes that fit your constantly growing kids, keep up with laundry, run the dishwasher every night and unload it every morning, do all the things.

It’s a lot.

And there are a lot of important things. But, not everything has to be done, and it also doesn’t all need to be done by you.

I have one healthy kid. I work mainly from home part-time, and I still have someone come to the house 2-3 times a week to help me out. I honestly don’t know how moms who have multiple kids get it all done.

But, I am finding as I build more and more relationships with other moms, that almost all of us don’t actually get it all done, and we all wonder how everyone else does it all. But then again, no one actually is doing it all. It’s just a vicious mind cycle of us thinking “How does she do it and stay happy and fit? I should do better. I can do better.” So, we try our hardest to seem like we have it all together and we’re doing all the things at least in front of people. And we’re just perpetuating the vicious cycle of more and more women thinking they don’t measure up.

Meanwhile, the real purpose of our lives is not to have it all together and do all the things and have everyone see it and admire.

The real purpose is to, according to Ecclesiastes, “Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” – Ecclesiastes 12:13. And Jesus said the greatest commandment is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” – Matthew 22:37 …”And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself” – Matthew 22:39.

We can do those things well without doing everything ourselves.

By having someone help me with laundry, cleaning (vacuuming and mopping my floors), and watching Trace, it frees me up to do the things that only I can do. Like spend time with YAHWEH, work on my blog (No one writes these things for me), spend time with my husband, and enjoy time with my son.

I’ve noticed that when I have help around the house, and when I’m not spending 24 hours a day with my son, I actually enjoy my time with him so much more. I have more time and mental/emotional capacity to actually play and intentionally interact with him. I can relax while I’m with him and Micheal. I’m not so distracted by or worried about getting all the less important things done.

So, for me, hiring someone to help do the things that anyone can do so that I can focus on the things that only I can do, has been such a good decision. And, it’s been such a blessing from my husband to offer the idea and make room in our budget for it.

Maybe your mom or mother-in-law live close, or your husband is home more and offers to help. It can be hard for us to accept help when it’s offered because we think we can and should do it all.

But, as I mentioned before, that’s not our purpose in life.

When Micheal first offered the idea for me to get help, it hurt my pride a little. And, I still have moments where I feel almost ashamed that I “need help” so much while only having one kid and not even working full time or outside of the house much.

But, I’m so glad I do have help. I’m a better wife and mother for it. I don’t want my pride and overwhelm to steal any more precious moments with family. And, I enjoy the bigger mental and emotional capacity that I have after having help.

I encourage you to ask for and accept help in the ways that make the most sense in your situation or family dynamic. What we have the opportunity to gain is worth letting go of our pride.

Wow my soul needs friends!

I feel like I don’t realize how much I need friends until after I spend time with them. I feel so refreshed, excited, and full.

It’s easy for us as moms to realize the importance of our kids having time with friends. It’s important for their brain development, social skills, and it’s just fun.

God made us to be and thrive in community. There’s value in connecting with people. It’s hard to explain or put into words, but we all feel it and crave it.

“Sweet friendships refresh the soul and awaken our hearts with joy, for good friends are like the anointing oil that yields the fragrant incense of God’s presence.”

– Proverbs 27:9

But, sometimes we get so caught up in getting everything done, or focus so much on making sure our kids have everything they need, that we end up not taking care of ourselves in the process.

But, our kids need us to be whole as well. And, I don’t think that’s possible if we don’t make time to be with friends.

You may be like me and need your alone time and also enjoy working on things by yourself. But, we aren’t meant to go through life alone.

Yes, you may have your spouse, and that’s obviously important. But, having other friends to go through life with is important too and can be so life giving!

Friends bring perspective, advice, fun, and encouragement that we can’t cultivate on our own.

Being able to relate to someone who is either currently or has gone through something you are experiencing is so helpful. The enemy likes to lie to us and make us feel like we’re the only ones who have gone through, struggled with, or felt “xyz”. Friends can be there to speak against those lies and say “me too”.

It Can Be Hard.

Making and keeping friends takes work, especially as a mom. But, it’s so worth the effort!

It can definitely be hard navigating nap time, the whole daily routine, and the ever changing attitudes of everyone involved.

I relate.

There seems to always be an obstacle.

And, how do you even make friends as adults anyway? It seemed to be much easier when we were kids.

My advice: Just ask.

Invite someone over, ask to meet at a park so the kids can play, or grab coffee at the cute coffee shop with a kid’s corner.

Basically, find something kid friendly and reach out.

My Story

Yesterday, I met with two new friends from church. I didn’t know either one of them very well, and they didn’t know each other either. We have mutual friends, but none of us had ever really had a conversation with each other.

I had wanted to get to know them for a while, and randomly started talking to one on Instagram. I reached out and invited both of them to meet for coffee, and it was a total success!

Was it a little vulnerable and uncomfortable to reach out and plan a get together not knowing either one of them?

Yeah.

Was it totally worth it?

YES.

We connected so well, and I can see myself being friends with them for years.

Balance

Another thing I talk about a lot is prioritizing your family. I think it’s so important to set healthy boundaries and be willing to put your family first and, at times, say “no” to your friends in order to say “yes” as needed to your family.

I don’t have the equation or formula for keeping these perfectly balanced. I think there are different seasons in life. Times where our friends need a little extra or we need a little extra from them, and times where our family needs us to pull back from other things and pour most of our energy within the four walls of our home.

I don’t know what season you’re in or what you need most in the moment. But, I know we were made for community and I know that family is our first priority under God. _{(Reminder: Biblically, your husband comes before your kids. Your spounse may not physically require as much time from you as little kids do, but prioritizing something above something else doesn’t always look like you giving it the most time. Another subject for another time. But, just remember your kids will do better in an environment cultivated under a healthy marriage than they will without it. Part of taking care of your kids is taking care of your marriage too.)}

Encouragment

I’ve heard too many women say they lost themselves after becoming a mom.

Kids require so much time and our lifestyles keep us so busy.

But, I really do want to encourage you to make time in your schedule for hanging out with your friends.

If you don’t have close friends, I can say from experience that it’s worth reaching out even if it feels awkward. Most likely that mom is feeling the same way you are and would jump at the chance to spend time with someone who values them enough to say something.

We all want to feel wanted, and an invite is exactly that.

Get creative in making friend time work. You won’t regret it!

For some ideas on how to make time with friends and other things work within a busy schedule, check out my post about my weekly routine.

Today I had 4 hours to myslef at home. As a mom of a one year old, this is a big deal. It’s one of the longest periods of time I’ve been away from Trace since he’s been born.

Add in the fact that he rarely sleeps apart from me, and it becomes an even bigger deal, as I don’t regularly get several consecutive hours of time with the house to myself. Such is mom life.

Micheal and his mom took Trace with them while they ran some errunds in town. So, I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted.

And here comes the delima..

Should I work, rest, or freely do chores around the house while NOT having to entertain, protect, and either carry around or allow a toddler to slowly follow me from room to room?

I wanted to rest, and my body and mind could use it. But, I had planned on being productive today since Micheal’s mom is visiting and able to help take care of Trace.

I didn’t have a chance to plan for having the house to myself ahead of time because the plan for all three of them to leave wasn’t formed until right before I woke up, and only an hour before they left.

I started to rest, then felt bad thinking about how the house and to do list might look the same when they got home hours later. (I also didn’t know exactly when they would be home.) So, I began to work on house and business stuff.

I did get quite a bit done. And, usually the freedom to move around the house quickly without having to be mindful of a toddler is actually fun and stress free.

But, I felt anxious.

I think because what I wanted to do and what I felt like I needed to do (to meet expectations; including mine) were two separate things. I also felt this huge pressure to make the most of the time since I don’t get opportunities like this very often.

I did want to relax more than I did. But, once I started working, I couldn’t stop.

Until I chose to.

I went outside to eat lunch. Trace and I eat outside almost every day that we can, so this wasn’t unusual.

I found myself eating kind of fast and feeling like I couldn’t just enjoy the moment.

So, I left my food outside and stepped inside to use the restroom. When I came back out, I intentionally left my phone inside the house.

I can’t work without my phone or computer. And, without the distraction or easy access to do or look up something, it was easier to calm my mind.

I took a couple deep breathes, stuck my feet in the grass, and enjoyed the rest of my lunch.

I then went inside to sit down and read. Reading is restful to me.

Why do I tell you all this?

Because it’s hard being a mom and trying to balance it all. I think we all struggle with wanting and needing to rest when we have the chance, but feeling the constant pull to get more done at the same time.

But, rest is something that needs to be done too.

I don’t mean to add another thing to your to do list. I also don’t regret what I accomplished in those hours alone today.

But, I do want to grant you the freedom to rest. Even if it’s for a few moments.

Breath.

Be thankful.

And rest in the fact that your value is not hidden in the things you do.

Your value is hidden in who you are. In being a child of God – The King.

You’re worth so much even if you accomplish little.

For example…

“But Martha became exasperated with finishing the numerous household chores in preparation for her guests, so she interrupted Jesus and said, “Lord, don’t you think it’s unfair that my sister left me to do all the work by myself? You should tell her to get up and help me.” The Lord answered her, “Martha, my beloved Martha. Why are you upset and troubled, pulled away by all these many distractions? Mary has discovered the one thing most important by choosing to sit at my feet. She is undistracted, and I won’t take this privilege from her.”

Luke‬ ‭10:40-42‬ ‭TPT‬‬

I want to be like Mary.

I want to rest at Jesus’ feet and just enjoy His presence.

I started with that this morning, but didn’t finish well.

So, once this blog post is written, I’m getting back to it. I’ll let my Mother in law help me by keeping Trace so I can spend more time with YAHWEH and enjoy his presence.

I hope you make the choice to rest too.

You’re worth it.

Years ago one of the main mentors in my life spoke about choosing your pain. He explained it more eloquently than I can, but basically the principle is that pain is inevitable, but in most cases we have the freedom to choose what pain we experience.

For example, we can choose to endure the pain of sticking to a healthy diet and lifestyle, or we end up having to deal with the pain that comes along with not being healthy, whether that means low energy, anxiety, excess weight, or even disease.

Another simple, real life example is choosing the pain of doing yet another load of laundry, or dealing with the pain of not having the choice to wear your favorite shirt when you want because it’s still dirty.

Or, going through the pain of decluttering and organizing your space so that you don’t have to experience the pain and frustration of not being able to quickly find what you need when you’re trying to rush out the door on time.

There are obviously countless examples, but you get the point.

Sometimes the really tough ones are when it involves something deeper. Like choosing the pain of seeming like you don’t care and letting your friend down by telling them “no” because you don’t want the pain of not prioritizing your family. For this example, you know that meeting this person’s expectations of you wouldn’t leave you with enough time or energy to serve your family well.

If your family is your priority, your decisions should reflect that even when it’s painful.

Choosing the path of least resistance or immediate gratification is an innate response. On top of that, the majority of the marketing in our culture is constantly strengthening these responses in an attempt to convince you to buy their product.

But, a lot of the time, the pain worth choosing is the temporary pain now that’s necessary to reach the end result you want in the future.

While this may feel like a negative lesson because we’re focusing on pain, it’s actually an empowering one.

You have the choice!

Saying “no” to your friend allows you to say “yes” to your family.

You can’t avoid pain all together, but you can choose to experience the pain that’s worthwhile and ends in the results or rewards you really value.